THE DOLE SHALL SET YOU FREE

People ask me, Nancy, what did the Community Organizer mean by 'share the wealth'? Basically, it means we're going to take care of you. You'll have everything you need. You won't have to worry about paying your bills. We're not going to take away your rights, but give you new ones: the right not to be offended, the right to make the correct choice, the right to win, the right to certain commodities to be paid for by Other People's Money.

Because you deserve it. In the New World Order, freedom will be mandatory. Tolerance will be required. The only decisions you'll have to make will be who to screw & what to eat, although we'll probably regulate that too, but it's for your own good. Because we care.

WHEN YOU JUST CAN'T RELY ON THE SUPREME COURT

MAMA, WE'RE ALL RACISTS NOW

I sincerely apologize for referring to Canada as the Great White North, & in no way intended any racial overtones. Racism is everywhere & we must be vigilant. Canadian, like socialism, is really just a code word for racism. Other code words: grandma, Britney, Pennsylvania, voodoo, flash, diversity, certain garden tools, Snipes, waffles, Florida, lying ho-bag from Hell, sludge, skinny, Thanksgiving, & otherwise innocuous phrases like shitbag Islamonutters suck ass.

In the New World Order, all these words will be regulated & require a license in order to use them.

IN EUROPE, THIS WOULD BE A HATE CRIME

NANCY'S COMPLETE GUIDE TO ECONOMICS

Failed Republican presidential contender Mitt Romney is back, telling us the Big 3 auto makers should go belly up. Bankruptcy: another failed Republican policy! Is it any wonder we're in this mess??

I, on the other hand, totally support bailing out helping the auto industry. This isn't about fiscal responsibility. These are union jobs, & union jobs mean union dues that end up in an ginormous Democratic war chest so we can get reelected. DUH.

This is the American way. After all, the Community Organizer himself says so:"I owe those unions. When their leaders call, I do my best to call them back right away. I don't consider this corrupting in any way."

See also Complete Guide to Union Corruption

MY FANS IN THE GREAT WHITE NORTH!

UNEMPLOYMENT = GROWTH

Thank goodness the Senate took my advice & voted to extend unemployment benefits. Senator Durbin said it best: "Putting money in the hands of unemployed families means they will be able to pay their rent & utility bills, buy groceries & clothe their children. It is money that will create economic growth in America."

In other words, unemployment stimulates the economy! Under my leadership, the economy will soon be very very stimulated. As for those Negative Noras who say extended unemployment benefits are simply an extended tax on business, think of it as a healthy disincentive: it's cheaper to keep people than let them go! Unemployment problem solved! Now we can get around to the really important issues, like hormone replacement therapy.

IN WHICH I SAVE THE PLANET

AND SO IT BEGINS

There is nothing wrong with your brain. Do not attempt to adjust your pants. We are controlling transmission. For the next 4 years, we will control all that you see & hear*. You are about to participate in a great experiment. We don't care how much it cost$. After all, we are not paying for it, you are. There is nothing wrong with your brain. You are about to experience the awe & majesty that reaches from my inner thighs to ... the New World Order.


*Except for AM talk radio & the blogoswamp, but we have some righteous plans for that shit